This is part of a research paper that I did on Parenting a couple years ago. I mentioned it to a friend recently, and she said she would like to see it. It s all common sense, unfortunately we do not always respond to our children with common sense, especially when we are frustrated. This is a battle that I fight daily, and maybe reading these again will help me remember them in the heat of the moment too. All of these tips appeared in an article by Dolgoff in 2009.
Techniques for Winning the Cooperation of Children
- Do-Over's:
- Children generally know what they are doing wrong, using this technique gives them the chance to change their choices and act in a way that instills pride.
- Add a Dollop of Guilt:
- Explaining to your child that they should not fondle the all the fruit in the grocery store because that sneeze may mean she is getting sick, and she would make others sick by touching their fruit, gives a child a good reason to stop and also think about how their actions affect others.
- Hover:
- If he knows your onto him, maybe he will stop; a gentle reminder of your presence through your calm assertive energy can deter bad behavior.
- Get on your Knees:
- Getting down to their level can change it from a huge scary interaction to a direct conversation.
- Channel their Superpowers:
- For a child who can not sit still, Energy can be their Superpower. Then find a way to use their Superpower for good not evil. Then, getting children to cooperate can be as easy as reminding them to use their superpowers correctly.
- Change Go to Come:
- Accompanied with touch, asking a child to come with you to do a desired behavior, like sitting down to dinner, can change tone from resistance to cooperation.
- Be Assertive:
- Stand up straight and let them know what is going to happen; transferring your energy in a calm assertive way, leaves no doubt who is in charge.
- Say their Name first:
- Especially for children who do not listen well when asked the first time, saying their name at the beginning of your request, along with closing your proximity is hard to ignore.
- Let them swap Chores:
- Giving children the freedom to swap and negotiate chores with siblings can help children feel empowered.
- Give them a piece of the Rock:
- Finding a skill that your child is good at and making that one particular skill that child's "job" wins cooperation because the child is not working for a particular reward. the reward in the deal is a sense of accomplishment that lends itself to increasing self-esteem and a feeling of respect toward the parent, who should always follow up with a sincere "Thank You"
- Countdown to Lift Off:
- Giving children a backwards schedule countdown assures you get out the door in time, and also gives the child who is never ready to go, and idea of what to expect. It is as simple as "John, we must leave in fifteen minutes" then ten minutes, and so on.
